Jongup - When you're depressed

It was all too much. There was absolutely no way that you could go on. You wanted to die. And you planned on taking that into your own hands.
You could never really pinpoint what made you so sad all the time and that just made you even more sad.

"Your father and I are going out tonight, you'll be fine, right?" your mother asked you as she put on her heels.
"I guess." you said solemnly.
"Are you sure?" your father asked you, sensing your sadness.
"Yeah, I'll probably go and hang out with Ariana and Hayi." you shrugged.
"Okay. Have fun and be safe." your mother said as she kissed your forehead.
"Love you, honey." your father said as he opened the door.
"Love you, too." you answered.
"Love you." your mother added as she ran through the door.
"Love you, too." you said to a closed door.
It surprised you. How nice your family was being lately. They were usually horridly nasty to you every day.
You let a melancholy smile slip onto your lips and you walked to the window. You looked down out of the window to see your parent's car speed off down the road. You turned around and looked at the empty room. You were alone.
You walked to your room and looked into your closet. You pulled out the light pink sweater dress and cream knit sweater. You threw them onto your bed as you got your favorite panties and bra out of the drawer. You rummaged for your beige heels in your closet once you set your under garments on your bed, too. Once you found them, you set them beside your bed on the floor and went to the bathroom with a towel in your hand.
You stripped yourself of all clothing and turned on the hot water. You set it to the perfect temperature before stepping into the shower and letting it flow down your back. You washed yourself thoroughly and finished, but didn't get out quite yet. You turned to face the shower head and covered your chest with your arms. You looked down to your body and saw scars, old and new. They mostly occurred on your hips to hide it from people because who knew what the kids at school would do if they ever knew. You looked away in disgust and turned the shower off.
You stepped out of the shower and dried yourself off. You made your way back to your room and let the towel drop from your body as you closed the door. You slipped on your panties and bra. You put on the light pink sweater dress and knit sweater. You walked over to your makeup and started to work.

You put the cap on the mascara bottle and made sure that the bow in your hair would stay put. You looked to your desk for a piece of paper and pen. You sat down and located a pen and paper. You wrote down two simple sentences.

I'm not important. I was never important.

You wrote your name, number and address on the bottom, folded the paper, and put in in the pocket of your sweater dress. You put on your beige heels and walked out on to the streets. You didn't really know how you were going to do it, but you were sure you could come up with something.
You passed by the tall buildings and craned your neck to see the top.
Option one.
You turned your head to the side as you crossed yet another street to see cars fly by.
Option two.
You passed the second subway station sign on the street.
Option three.
You looked to your right and gazed upon advertisements for painkillers.
Option four.
You stopped in front of a tall building that appeared to be a dorm or apartment of some sorts. Option number one it was. You waited outside for a minute and saw a few people go in a out.
A group of boys came out of the doors and the last one out stopped on his way out and looked at you while in the middle of the doorway. He was the awkward kind of attractive and you forced a small smile as you made eye contact. He smiled back and stepped aside while holding the door open for you.
"Kamsahamnida," you said to the stranger.
"No problem." he smiled at you.
The door shut behind you and you walked up to the steps. You turned around to see the boy still standing there, staring at you. You knew that he saw you look back at him, but he didn't walk away until a few seconds passed and it wasn't because he forced himself away. One of the taller boys that walked through the doors before him grabbed his arm and pulled him away.
You blinked a few times out of confusion and turned around to climb the stairs. You passed the signs that indicated the floor numbers and came to a stop before double doors that led to the roof of the building. You pushed open the door with some effort and were greeted with a gust of wind.
You walked out on the roof and went to the edge. You lifted your self up onto the edge and looked back to the door. You turned your head and looked down to the streets. The people that passed by looked like little ants. You looked out across the other buildings to see the sun setting. A smile escaped your lips as you saw the pink and orange light kissed your face.
"Quite the view." a voice said.
You wiped your head around to see the boy that held the door for you not too long ago.
He walked over to you and leaned against the edge. "I like to come up here and look at the sky, too." he laughed at himself.
You just stared at him in surprise with your mouth wide open. He turned to you and chuckled. He lifted his hand to close your mouth and returned his hand back to his other hand.
You didn't know what to do, but stare at him. You were starting to get a hold on yourself and looked from the door and to the stranger.
"You're joking right?" you asked in a confused tone.
"About what?" he turned to you.
All you could do was stutter nonsense. He put a finger up to your lips and shook his head.
"There was something about you. The way that you just stood outside of this building and looked up at the roof. The way your mouth formed a slight frown and your eyes screamed something." he began and laughed. "I'm sorry. I must sound insane."
"Only slightly." you mumbled.
"My friend, Junhong, was the one that pulled me away. I said that I wasn't feeling well and we don't have much to do today. So, I came back and looked for you-" he rambled but you interrupted him.
"How long were you here?" you questioned him.
"Does it matter?" he shot a question back at you.
"You think it would if I asked." you shrugged.
He looked at you and sighed. "Long enough."
"Who are you?" you asked
"Let's leave names out of this," he started, " for the greater good."
"Fine by me." you said.
"Now how about we get you down from that ledge and we go for a walk." he said as he stepped in front of you and held out his arms.
Without another word you jumped down in the stranger's arms and made you way down the stairs. The two of you were a few blocks from the building when you spoke.
"What made you come back?" you asked.
You just got a shrug as he put his hands in his pockets and you could tell that tell that he wasn't telling the truth, but you let it slide and turned to look at the cars
going by.
Option two.
He suddenly turned to you. "Where would you like to go?"
"It doesn't really matter." you answered.
"We could go to a Pulsa Bang." he suggested.
"Do you know of one near here?" you asked.
"Sure do." he smiled.
"But I don't have any money." you added.
"It's fine." he smiled.
"I'd feel bad though." you said.
"It's fine." he repeated.
"Are you sure?" you asked as he grabbed your hand and ran across the street.
"Ne," he yelled back at you as he ran into an alley.
You started to get scared as he led you. You didn't know this boy and you were letting him take you somewhere, but then you realized that you didn't actually care. If something happened to you then you wouldn't have to do it yourself anymore.
The two of you ran through the streets and turned corners and soon enough he stopped in front of a building. He led you in and you stood there as he got everything sorted
out.
"What do you want to play?" he turned to you and smiled as the two of you sat down.
"It doesn't matter, really." you  grinned.
"You look like the racing type of girl." he muttered almost to himself as he picked a game and set it in the console.

He looked over to your side of the screen to see that you were ahead of him. He glanced over to you and put his hand on your controller to mess you up. His plan deemed successful as you missed the turn and he sped past you.
"Yah!" you yelled as you tried to catch up to him. "Cheater!"
"Say what you will, but," he paused as he crossed the finish line with a triumphant smile, "I still won."
"Yeah, because you cheated." you pouted.
"Rematch?" he questioned.
"Obviously." you answered before he finished speaking.
"Be ready to be crushed again." he grinned.
"You've only won because you cheated just about every time!" you accused him.
"Ah, but you did say 'just about every time' which means that I won far and square at least once." he argued.
You just rolled your eyes and looked at the screen.
"This one of for all the marbles." he said as the the counter went down to zero.
The two of you shot off and lapped around the race track a few times. You started to lag behind on the last stretch when he suddenly slowed down. You flew past the finish line and you almost jumped out of your seat.
"Yes!" you smiled as you turned to him.
"Fine. You win." He chuckled.
You looked over to the clock on the other side of the room and saw that it was late. Your mother and father probably weren't even home by now. Plus, they probably think your at Ariana's or Hayi's.
"You ready to go?" he asked when he saw you looking at the clock.
"Yeah," you sighed.
He got up and payed for the time the two of you were there. You watched him pull out money, his phone and a piece of paper. Your thoughts turned sour as smile slowly faded while you watched him walked up to pay. Your thoughts slowly getting their hold on you again. He walked over to you and stopped beside you. His smile brightened up the room
and you couldn't help but crack a smile.

"So, why were you up on the roof?" he broke the silence as the two of you walked down the street.
"Thinking." you lied.
He gave you a sideways glance and you could tell he didn't buy it for a second.
"I saw the way that you looked at the cars that sped by. It wasn't how one normally looks at speeding cars." he stated.
You shrugged.
"And the way that you looked down from the top of the building." he kept going.
He looked at you and saw that you weren't going to speak. He stopped walking and grabbed you to make you face him.
"And the way that you walked to the stairs." he added as he looked at you with sad eyes.
"I can't remember... why I'm so sad." you whispered.
"The the way that you stood outside of the building." he continued. "It would have been a shame for me to have only seem you alive once."
This was where you broke down. You fell to the ground and he fell with you. Tears poured from your eyes as you tried to speak. You stuttered about how your family makes you feel like you don't matter and that you can tell they tell you this by saying little things. And then your friends make you feel inadequate. He silenced you by putting his fingers to your lips and brought you into himself. He wrapped his arms around you as you let tears fall from your eyes.
"Everything is going to be okay." he said softly as he held you.
You broke the hug by looking up at him.
"Don’t be silly, they’re wrong about you; of course you matter. You've always mattered." he cooed as he rubbed your arms.

After a while you settled down and he walked you home. He walked you up to your door step and just as you were about to step inside, he grabbed your wrist.
"And I promise you that you’re important, _______." he said as put a piece of paper in your hand. "Goodbye."
You didn't have the chance to ask him how he knew your name before he disappeared around the corner. You opened the door to an empty house like usual and went to your room.
You set the not down on your bed and took off your shoes. You threw them near your closet and showered once more.
You put on comfortable clothes and put your hair up. You forgot about the piece of paper he put in your hand until you saw it on your bed. You walked over and sat down on
your bed to read it. You uncrumpled the paper and gasped.
It was the note you wrote. With your name and number on it.
You were snapped out of your daze when your phone buzzed. It was an unknown number.
"Yeoboseyo?" you said into the phone.
"I didn't get to tell you my name."
It was the stranger. The boy that saved your life.
"My name is Jongup."
"Annyeong, Jongup." you smiled into the phone.
You felt that things were going to get better with him in your life.